I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
