need another drink. this is the easiest way
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
