im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
