Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
True strength comes from lack of pants
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
