Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
