when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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