Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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