something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
