never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
