trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
