I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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