Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
