I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
