You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Everclear isn't food dammit
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
