I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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