Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
