you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
