I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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