I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize