return my video game
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
