3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
