I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
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