so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
