Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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