i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
