im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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