Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
