I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
