I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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