I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
