the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
