Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Randomize
