You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
