I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
