I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
