her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize