marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
