May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
