I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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