Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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