I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
