if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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