we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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