I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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