we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
