found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
