Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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