Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
