hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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