At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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