I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
my liver is dry heaving
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
