i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
