Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize