you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
