My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
