She's like a pop up book from hell.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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