Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
