I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize