So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
