My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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