I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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