i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
