I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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