At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
