So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
