Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
