Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
