Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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