He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
