just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
