i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize