I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
only if we run a train.
done.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
