I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
