So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
