I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
