..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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