just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
