4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
