i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
