my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm passing your future prison.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
