just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
