I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
