I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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