I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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