help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize