Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
