DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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