Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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